Life Without Lottie
How I Coped (or didn't) During My Daughter's Gap Year
England - Hong Kong - Australia - Bali - Singapore
'Definitely a strong contender as debut book of the year'
'Uncompromisingly unputdownable!'
*** Summer 2008 Release ***
Tips for Parents
- Help your son/daughter to plan their travels - and have fun doing this. Get travel guides from your library/book shop and search the internet for ideas, routes, best flight deals etc. Speak to other students and their parents and listen to any advice they can give you. Lottie didn't sign up for an official 'Gap' year experience. She preferred to head for Oz and make her own internal travel plans. If your son/daughter is aiming for an official 'Gap' package, do check all details very carefully. Their school/college may help with this, particularly if it is important to link the destination/experience to a future degree course.
- Ensure your son/daughter takes out the best medical insurance policy available before they travel and, if necessary, pay for this yourself! Check the wording carefully - especially the small print - to ensure adequate cover (with 24 hour helpline/cover) is included in the countries they are to visit. This will give you some peace of mind that if a medical emergency arises, expert help is available.
Farewell Party Celebrations
- Organise a farewell party a couple of weeks before their leaving date and have fun planning this together - and enjoying the actual party. Make it special, e.g. let off a few fireworks, and ensure you take lots of photos as these will be great to look through when they've gone.
David and Chris on porch roof – just before David fell off!
- When saying the final goodbyes, you do have choices! We decided upon a family farewell at Heathrow but I have a great friend who saw her son off at the local bus stop as that's all she could cope with. Whichever way you choose, it is very, very hard for everyone concerned so do try and prepare both yourself and your son/daughter, and any siblings left behind. Talk about the positives not the negatives - the freedom, the exploration, the new friends etc.
- Encourage your son/daughter to buy a mobile phone when they arrive at their destination but warn them to check the small print and to ask fellow travellers which network is the best for reception etc. Get them to text you their number once purchase is complete so you can commence regular contact! That will make you feel much happier.
- Go on holiday yourselves (or you may wish to meet up with your son/daughter at some point in their travels). This is something to look forward to. Nick, John and I went to Majorca. Will came with us and the boys had a riot! It was a wonderful week, although very strange not to have Lottie with us as it was our first family holiday without her.
- Don't expect to hear from your son/daughter when they say you will. Kids regularly run out of credit/battery on their mobiles (which, in my case, Lottie frequently did!) and I didn't hear from her for days after the agreed time which was a worry. Also, their plans change at the drop of a hat so they may have moved on and into an area with little or no signal...
- Expect not to get a signal when you phone, this way you won't be tearing your hair out (as I did) after countless failed attempts and, when you do get through, it's a lovely surprise! Make a list of things you want to say/ask before you call as, believe me, you'll be so relieved and thrilled to speak, you easily forget what you meant to say/ask.
- It was important for Lottie to receive news from home – any news, not just special events. And do try and write the odd letter (in long hand) as these are so much more personal (and more welcome) than a text or email. All major towns in Australia have a 'Post Shop' where they can collect mail. It's similar to our 'poste restante' service so ensure your son/daughter signs up for this service, and get the address from them. Text them to say a parcel is on its way.
- If your son/daughter is away for their birthday and/or Christmas, you can use the 'Post Shop' service to send presents. To Oz, these take about a week which is pretty good (longer at Xmas). Use proper wrapping paper (not silver foil as I did which was disastrous!).
- Don't send ANY parcels containing food to Australia! They will be opened, quarantined and confiscated. I learnt this to my peril at Christmas time when, amongst other items, I posted a mini Christmas pudding and tree chocies to Lottie. She never got them and it was most upsetting for both her and me.
- Occasionally, I sent Lottie a copy of our local paper 'The Wells Journal', which she loved to read. One day, on Manly beach, she bumped into a guy she was at school with. They met up later for drinks and she gave him the paper which he enjoyed reading too. Such a small world!
- When Lottie was poorly and I spoke to her, she very much played down what the trouble was as she didn't want to worry me. I sensed this and offered advice I thought was appropriate, usually 'see a doctor now!' Do not make Lottie's initial error of relying on the local pharmacist's advice and treatment. He was very wrong and the poor girl suffered for days unnecessarily until she saw a doctor.
- Don't probe too much into what your son/daughter has been up to. You really don't want to know all the details; the ones you get can be scary enough!
- If your son/daughter is travelling around, always ensure they text you to advise when and where they are going. I bought a big map of Oz and we pinned it up on the wall (in the downstairs loo!) so we could 'track' where Lottie was. That helped and was good fun.
- Lottie and David bought a second hand camper van from fellow travellers who were returning to the U.K. They thought it was an absolute bargain and they would make a profit on resale. They didn't but it did get them all the way up the East coast to Cairns before they sold it on. Also, they were disappointed to get very little for their mobiles when they sold them.
David with 'Sparticus', the camper van
- On a plus note, you can get your money back when selling your surf board, and even make a profit! So it's worth buying a decent one.
- Lottie and David had many different jobs in Oz and have many tales to tell! It is definitely worth seeking employment through a reputable agency - again, ask fellow travellers for the best ones - but don't expect to earn a fortune. Backpackers' pay is minimal and the hours are long. They must budget very carefully. Oz is an expensive country and youth hostels almost double their prices over Christmas.
- As the time passes, you will feel better and the emotional strain of being parted from your child does ease but, if you're like me, you never really stop worrying, so always keep your mobile charged and with you, and check your email inbox frequently. It is such a joy when a message comes through - you'll grin for hours afterwards!
- If you have other children still at home, take extra care with them as they will be missing their sibling very much too. Temperament and general school work can both go belly up so spend quality time with them on a regular basis. Encourage (but don't force) them to text their absent sibling in order to maintain contact. Don't be surprised if they don't want to actually speak on the phone; it took John, Lottie's younger brother, three months before he could face this (but he was thrilled once he had).
- When you know the exact 'coming home' date, you will feel totally elated so celebrate!!! And then have fun planning the reunion, at the airport or otherwise. For days before Lottie returned, I was a complete nervous wreck but it was a nice kind of nervousness although I seriously thought I would faint whilst waiting for her to come through the arrivals gate at Heathrow!
- When your son/daughter returns home, they will have changed a great deal. The most obvious change I saw in Lottie was that inside, she had matured into a real 'adult' person, and her face had matured also. She looked so grown up! She had bags more confidence, didn't rely on me nearly so much and had become incredibly streetwise. All great assets but be warned, you will sense a slight 'distance' between the two of you in the early days, although this does pass. Even though they will always be, to you, your 'little girl' or 'little boy', they certainly won't be after a Gap year. That's a good thing; they are now ready and prepared to face the rest of their life with confidence and energy. Rich and fancy foods are not necessary or wanted for the homecoming; Lottie and David wolfed down good old bangers n'mash (at their request) and loved it!
- Lottie returned with next to no clothes so a big shop (and I mean big) was urgently required so try and budget for this beforehand. Everything was needed from undies to day wear to shoes to jackets to make up. We had a FAB time shopping together! And I relished in telling every shopkeeper that Lottie had just got back from Oz!
Message From Fiona
I sincerely hope that these notes have helped in some way. Do let me know if you feel you could add any further tips to help other Mums and Dads. And remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.